Wellll yesterday

Was scary/fun. My "special" friend came over and after that we went to a lil part of the woods near pur school with some boys, and we had started a lil campfire thingy but it was day time and someone called the cops and me an my fran ran like hell. Then we covered our tracks then the boys told us the poliecman just said to put the fire out. Lol then one of them told me they were gonna get some weed and if i wanted some. Fuck i really wish i hadnt have said no. And on friday one of those boys went up to a priss and called her a bitch. I fuckin love him :-D and...ummm....idk. Oh and we got off campus back finally :-) ok well...thats it i guess

Mr.Scale i love you :-)

I thought i was still 125-130 ish and im now 121-123 my scale kinda sucks tho cuz its not electronic :p and my tummies rumblein :-) i feel amazing

Hows school?

How is it? Fuckin drama. Frirst hour is science which is borin as hell then I have pe with preppy bitches and mean boys and im the outcast. Theres like 9 of us. I hate it. Then comes algebra. Its borin to but its also the same thing everyday and no one messes with me on there so its ok. Art is 4th hour, and i have no friends in that class but i still love art. Then luch time. I always have a powerade or water. I hate eating at school. Then history which is fine then shop class then english. I like creative writing :-) but right now i am kinda pissed at myself cuz i ate an activia just a minute ago. Its 70 cals. And right now im tired and want to cuddle :( but all i have is a stuffed animal. And now i dont want to sleep cuz i just ate. Ugh. And my bestfriend moved away so now i have like no support at school. I have only one friend and i fuckin love her and some bitch was bein mean to her and called her fat. That was her "friend" who has become a preppy bitch. I just wanted to hold her and kiss her and tell her shes beautiful but i just hugged her and told her she was not fat. I love her and if that bitch says that again imma kill her. Speakin of bitches my ex was talkin to me and some preps were tryin to get outta the gym were there are two doors and they kept pushin on the on he was sittin on then that bitch made a comment and walked away then my ex said "bitch" then she came back and was all like "wat did you just call me?!?" and hes like "i just called you a bitch" i fuckin love him :) as a friend. Then she said "you better not say that again" then walked away. And shes one of those girls who wears clothes way to small for here and clumps on makeup. Shes sucha bitch :/ well imma go to bed naow. Bye. And imma try to rite on here more. Oh and im joining the fbla fccla ffa and art and drama club :)

Oh god!

Thank god! Shes not pregnant :-) even if it was positive id still love her tho :-)

When im alone

I realize that im lobely so i cry, then i eqt then i gain weight. Thats gonna stop. Im never eating again >.< oh and today i had gym second hour. With people i hate and the fuckin idiot boy infront of me kept jumpin up and PUNCHING THE FUCKING BALL!! then wen i hit it *RIVHT* and actually TRY i friggin get glares. And they purposely never hit it to me. I got it like 4-6 times. Then i heard some cunt sayin "shes not doing anything" even tho i was fucking trying. Qnd algebra SUCKSSSSSS! ugh i have a headache. Imma go cuddle with my unicorn and fall asleep. But first i have a letter to someone


Dear self,
stop eating you fucktard. Your fat and ugly and even the kds at school think so. You discusted me! I hope you die. Why do you exist? Your a worthless piece of shit. I only say this outta love tho. I will try to help you, AGAIN. god. Just dont fuck up like you always do.

Sincerly,
Me

Ps. No one reads your blog. Your not interesting. Get over it.

Hayyy

Im srry for not posting recently. School and stress has kept me hella busy. And tommorow i gotta go back >.< and yesterday all i did was babysit brats so i didnt get much of a weekend. Oh and at our school some dumbasses ruined off campus for all of us by leavin trash in the lobby. So now NO ONE can go off campus for a fuckin week. Assholes.

School

Ugh my school starts tommorow. I have science then gym >.< imma hate the first two hours of school.

Off line

I will be turnin off my ipod and fone for 3 days to have so me time

Knew it.

Im wrong. Always am. Always my fault. Im the fuck up. Im the bitch. IM the bully. God im pathetic.

Can i change schools?

Its immpossible. It really iz. Those girls at school drove me to cuttin the one of thwem had the balls to ask me why i cut infront of everyone(and they were also talkon trash about me rite behind my back). I snapped and my EXACT words after she said "do you cut yourself?" i said "yes, and if you dont shut up i'll do the same to your throat." then like 6 of them all started talkin shit and insulting me and i got so mad i actually got up and pulled some lil douche bag in a desk away so i could get at this one girl and i got all up in her face. Then she just insulted me more so i told the teacher i was goin to the bathroom then went to the counsler. I was so pissed i was shaking. Then after that, they questioned everyone(not really just those fuckin bitches and there friends) and in my journal i had earilers written my thoughts of wat will happen to th in the future. And in the end i said they would all commit suicide cuz there so pathetic. THEN once the principal read that he said that it was a threat! They twisted that lil story AND they said i said "shutup or ill slicw your throat." which i DID NOT! Yeah no but i got kicked out of school for 10 days and my mom just decided to withdrawl me. Those bitches got one detention for "talking about topics unrelated to school." and sooooo apparently im a fucking terrorist now :-/ still fuckin pisses me off tho. Oh and did i mention i was in a maijor deppresion and suocidal and they all knew it? Yeahhhhh. Good times huh? Srry for the rant. It was in 7th grade but it still pisses me off!

Fail.

Ive been tryin to fast the past two days. Not coutin tofay cuz its only 1 in The mirn. So wed. And thurs. And i failed both days. Not today tho. Wednesday i had a bowl of choco puddin at nite. Then today. (yesterday actuLly) i had a bite of corn :-/ im a failure

Fuck

Well i wake up at 4pm. I got woken up today by my mom on the fone. She yelled at me for bein lazy then said if i dont get my ass up and clean the house shes gonna take my xbox away. And she told me to clean up the pee spot my dog made but HER fucking dog pees everywere. My dogs bigger tho. Then i fuckin smashed my finger in the door. I am so fuckin pissed rite now. Fuckin hate it!

Today...

Well i got up.it feels like a long time ago but i got up, put on a smile(fake of course) and went to my school to get my paper work. Later me and my stepdad went and got a soda. Thrn i came home and fell asleep :p then i woke up and had to help with salsa and afterwards go pick corn then help shuck it. Its been a long day :-p and i fucked up my liquid fast with choco puddin cuz imma fatass. :-/ thats basically my day. My lifes so fucking exciting huh?

Productive day? I think not.

I slept till 5 :p now im just playin vid games and talking to a wonderful amazin girl :-) and my dogs lickon me :p but yeah about this girl...its not the on i hung out wit yesterday. This girl i thought was mad at me but apparently mt txts just wernt gettin thru :) that was a big relief.

....

I went to therapy today and it went well.then i hung out with my friend and we um... Started to experiment. Now the girl i truely love hates me. Well a lil bit more now. Shes hated me for a while. I mean seriously, she thinks ive really forgotten her?!? I cant mention her because it makes me want to slice my throat. It hurts so much. She just kept pushin me away. I still cry myself to sleep alot. Right now i just wanna die. Screw life.

I miss you

Alot :-( ur sick and i hate it. I miss you. And i still love you :-/